i find it so mind-blowing how even the most insignificant, clean, and least painful break-ups make you feel like you need to or already have changed the outcome of your life.
okay not your life. maybe like the next couple months.
i don't know how it is for everyone else, but when i date someone, a lot of things happen. lots of plans and ideas are born based on the assumption that we will still be together by that time to do said things.
and then you break up.
and then it doesn't really hurt, cause you weren't really happy.
and then you go on with your life.
but then you are reminded by little things just weeks or even months later - TV commercials, movie releases, some inanimate object, or even just overhearing someone else tell a story of something that shouldawouldacoulda been your story.
skydiving. that new Indian bistro. that movie you still haven't seen. marriage.
maybe you were gonna skydive to overcome his fear of heights. or you were going to try indian food because she's never tried it. or he always watched movies. or , potentially the worst of all (marriage) - she was the one. now you don't care what he's scared of, could give a motha less what she eats, already made plans to see that movie with someone else, or she ended up straight playing your ass for a fool, goodbye engagement ring.
and really the emotions attained from reminiscing on the could-have's are on a wide spectrum. you may feel taken aback, sad, humbled, relieved that he never came through or grateful that you got rid of her crazy ass - or you might just not even give it a second thought and continue your train thought elsewhere.
but maybe, just maybe for a second you think "him and i were supposed to do this and that..." and put that plan away in your heart and vow silently to never let anyone take that from the bond you two shared.
or maybe he just didn't leave a single trace of sovereignty in your heart, your life, anywhere important.
and now you can't wait to execute those masterminded plans with someone who is actually worth it.
