I don't consider myself a girly girl.... but, I don't consider myself a nitty-gritty, wannabe tomboy hood-special either.
I don't like to get my nails done, or do my nails, but I feel better when they look nice (on the rare occasion).
I don't get along better with guys, or girls, I mostly just get along with whoever isn't pissing me off at that moment. Dick or pussy. Doesn't really matter.
I don't pride myself on listening to hip hop or rap or expect you to differentiate me based purely on the music I listen to - because well, I really like justin bieber. Usher. Motown. Every sad & once-relatable slow jam imaginable. As much as I enjoy getting my head-banger on, I ain't ashamed to say there's times I let myself cry over Babyface for absolutely no reason... just because. Don't get me wrong, I love hip hop, rap, all of that, but it isn't the root of me. I love all music.
I don't care to longboard, play video games, drive "boy-ish" cars. Those are all fun things, don't get me wrong. But I have poor coordination. I'm over-competitive, and I'm actually much better as support than opponent... and I'm happy with my little corolla. It's tiny like me, gets me where I need to go, costs $35 bucks to fill up... but it doesn't make loud noises or make guys want to race me. Who gives a shit?
I put lipstick on and take it off cause I get hungry. And cause I feel silly, usually. My hair kind of does itself... I gave up on it already. I follow a simple makeup routine every day and only switch it up when I have time or the desire to do so. I don't care to impress many boys, other than my own. Actually, I could give a fuck. I mean, there's times I give a fuck. But in all honesty there's a small amount of people in the world that I clean up for. Tiny. Micro.
But just because I'm not overly girly or boyish doesn't mean I'm not a regular girl underneath whatever all this is. I'm not "hard" and black hearted. As far as my "independence" goes, ie. paying bills and supporting myself, I do it. I don't care to, I just have to. I don't want to, I just do. Sometimes I complain, sometimes I'm humbled, but mostly, I'm just stressed. Emotionally, I really don't think I'm that independent. I'm still sensitive. Still need love. Still need to feel special. Still need someone to go out of their way to prove they're crazy about me. Still will tell you, "I'll wait, but I fucking hate waiting." Still won't settle for less after having next to nothing. I don't expect much of myself, which really, has resulted in me expecting less of others, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be that girl.
You know. The one that feels good about herself. The special one.
