long.
fucking.
distance.
it is long. excruciatingly so. long days. long nights staying up. long periods of "holy fuck i miss that kid so much i don't even know what being happy is anymore."
... the distance. the distance is PAINFUL. it's like a deep cut that hurts when you realize that it's there.
but if it's done right, it provides this crackhead-on-crack type of happiness. this kind of "i've never been this happy" happy. if it's done right, it is all the things you've ever wanted/asked for... just momentarily not in your grasp. you have, but you can't hold. it's ok, be patient, and one day it will fit in the way it should.
my mom and i are both in the same exact situation. love of our life, residing in the next country over... can't exactly run to them when that person has you down or you don't know if you can do "this." can't exactly be excited about this saturday's date unless it's dinner for one over ichat/skype/the phone. can't exactly... have sex whenever you want it...
which is like all the time because lets be real here. i'm eighteen.
but that's besides the point. watching my mom mope around and then LIGHT UP when he's around/on the phone/sending her emails... it's some new kinda beautiful. like, do i look like that? i sure hope so because the passion/happiness/content is fucking inspirational. i hope i inspire someone to fall in love whenever i'm with/speaking to mine.
because that's what my mom has done for me... she's made me believe. as corny as that sounds, she's like my ghost mentor for this shit. just observing her, and seeing her stick to this for so many years eases all the worries that come up and makes me even more thankful to be where i am, and for who i'm with. she also has made it clear that there's no one else she wants to be with... i feel you maaaaa
see you in a month, fucker.
