* NOTE: this is my first time ever publicly writing like this (fictional form) so.... haha..... yeah. I'm gay. :)
*blackberry red light goes off*
That light. I hate it. I also love it. I hate the color red. But when I miss him, it's automatically my color of choice.
I think about the times when that light used to mean a reply that I used all my might to avoid. I think about how it used to be a "fuck you," or a "goodbye," or even a pathetic "I'm sorry." All very long versions of those three, sometimes combined, but always unnecessary regardless.
It's been a while, and that hasn't been the case lately. That's okay. Oh, shit. The light is still going off.
"I'm gunna miss you"
This kid. I lose my cool for a second and thank every God to every religion that he isn't here to witness "the gay." I'm talking like, some serious gay. But then I realize that I do wish he was here and everything feels bad. And good. And shit, I don't even know what to say for a second. I want to say a million things without having to use words. I fucking hate texting, actually. But it's all we have right now, so I push past the sting and muster up what I can find in myself.
"I miss you already :("
Fuck that. I never used to be that girl. The one who spoke through her emotions rather than her head. The one who let her emotions get the best of her. The one who was petrified when love looked at her, but now looks back. Wondering. Anticipating.
I'm that girl now. The one who wishes she was home tonight. The one who wishes this was their trip, and not just hers. The one who plays their conversations over and over like they were songs.
They are songs, though. At least I think so. I think he holds a low bass line in my heart and every time a high pitch hits, it's him. And it's me. It's us. Every high, every low of this song of ours, it speaks and it sings and it melodically tells a story. Our story. And all at the same time, it says nothing at all, because even the silence soothes my soul and when we're down to one last beat, his voice is the sweetest thing, and then suddenly we're rising back up again. This momentum, it never ends, does it? It is definitely something.
This song of ours.
I'm so glad I pressed play.
