im about whateva man

I decided that the only way it'll be possible for me to love you later, is if I love me now.

Go ahead and do your thing.

little & powerful words

Lady and Gentlemen

"Despite pop culture lyrics, chivalry is NOT dead. Actually, it’s free. It costs nothing to have manners which is really what impresses a woman." - Yeahshesaidit.com

that's right. you read it. despite what you hear on the radio about men not giving a fuck about how they treat women, the true existence of chivalry remains impartial to those opinions.

it is real. and it will hit you. well, i don't know if it'll hit you. but it for damn sure hit me.

fuck it, it hit me HARD.
the minute you stepped in and showed me you were sweet, and not just nice...
well... it basically became game over for me. lmao. what ever am i going to do?

nothing. i'll let you handle it, and you probably will, cause you're a gentlemen, and chivalry is not dead.

yo wuddddup

... i love summer.

and my family...

 and this little girl..

 and my aunties $1000 fish...

and my mom, once again. cause she stay FIT.

but at the end of it all, when my tan fades...
dear summer, i know you gon miss me
for we been together like nike airs & crisp tees
s dots with polo fleeces, purple label shit with the logo secret
gimme a couple years, shit i might just sneak in
a couple words and like peaches & herb
we'll be reunited...and it feels so good
until then. ENJOYYYY

useful/obvious/not-so-obvious information i have acquired

1. a day of being bitter can replace months of being overrun by pride and internal pain. so i don't know, book off two sundays from now and use that day to burn a bunch of shit, or write angry letters to people who piss you off or have upset you in the past. then drop them in the river or something cause sending them would just be stupid. either way, take one day to dispose of all that negativity. or as much as u can. but don't get greedy. game face comes back on after that, and you gotta grow your balls back.

2. the bible, now and then, is still very useful. hella jokes... always useful! once you get past the reality of the crap load of reading material, the small stuff really reps its place.


1.Listen without interrupting. (Proverbs 18)
2.Speak without accusing. (James 1:19)
3.Give without sparing. (Proverbs 21:26)
4.Pray without ceasing. (Colossians 1:9)
5.Answer without arguing. (Proverbs 17:1)
6.Share without pretending. (Ephesians 4:15)
7.Enjoy without complaint. (Philippians 2:14)
8.Trust without wavering. (Corinthians 13:7)
9.Forgive without punishing. (Colossians 3:13)
10.Promise without forgetting. (Proverbs 13:12)

3. if you are such an insomniac in the summer, ditch the internet, and watch one of those "late night with ____" shows. i generally enjoy jimmy fallon.
lmao i have a crush on him. who do i think i am. but really it will probably make you nostalgic or update you on current events or make you laugh a little bit. i won't front tho i sit on my couch and laugh my little ass off.

4. always carry an extra outfit if you will not be home for over 10 hours... or an extra shirt or something. or SHOES. i always carry flip flops around these days when tempted by late night chilling sessions. oopsies. also, sometimes i am a messy eater and need to be presentable for, well, life. so carrying an extra dress = better safe than stupid lookin.

5. sometimes staring at art is just... A TREAT. like a sundae with all the mothafuckin fixins treat.


6. at times, saying "no" in the nicest way you can, doesn't hurt. in fact the more i think about it, there's been times where people i've said no to didn't hold me accountable for the rest of my life - which is always kind of my fear lmao. so from now on, if i really can't afford to miss my friends birthday to take your work shift or i just want my ONLY day off - imma say no. plain and simple. hope you understand.

... yeh that's about ittttt that i can think of. i know there's infinitely more but these are the most useful as of late.

it was a time

i guess i had fun. and yes, my cuban boyfriend who spoke poor but sexy english caught that fishy for me. i brought him back, what happens in cuba, does not always stay in cuba.
hahahaha i'm just joking. i definitely had the time of my life though. the beach. the drinks. the people. the cubans.
the CUBANS.
so hospitable and beautiful, ahhh yes. i miss it. the lack of destination, never having to be anywhere, but loving where you were all the time. i miss looking at all that WATER. i miss the humidity. the sun. wind surfing. banana boating. spilling all our alcohol in the pool ("i swear... osmosis drunk") and emptying out the pool bar daily. dancing and partying every night. all that volume in my hair lmao. wearing a bra probably twice that entire trip (excluding arrival and departure) and how everything just seemed to look good.
i think i will move somewhere with a lot of humidity and a big, big beach. it is now in my plans haha.

but i swear, once my friends and i hit the toronto airport (6 hour layover on the way home *facepalm), we missed "real" food SO much that we munched out hard. and i mean HARD.



we couldn't even fit all the food into the picture hahaha. or we were too hungry to try. chicken ceaser salad never tasted sooo0o0o goooood.

also, i was not a fan of layovers there and back.

... i'm under there, somewhere. i promise.

and i missed this little nerdbomber. scratch that, i STILL miss her.




lmao sorry my brain can't generate anything more meaningful than a shitload of pictures at the moment. i've spent the past week and a half eating all the food i missed so terribly. alreaddyy planning my next vaca... :)

about to shit in my pants.

who datttt :O KAT BADAR

"do you trust me enough, to tell me your dreams" - 50cent

do you know what's scary? telling someone your dreams.
so if someone, who wasn't 50 cent, came to me with that noise, i'll be honest - i don't trust you enough. probably not, anyway.
in fact, if i recall correctly, i don't think i've ever told anyone my real dreams. i mean, i have them. i have goals, too. but i have dreams and those are completely different... i harbor them so subtly they're almost like dark lit. almost like they don't exist. but they do... took me a while to realize that.

what's so scary about telling someone your dreams? well first of all, that's me giving them the biggest part of me...the one i haven't reached. the one that isn't real. my means of "opening up" to a person is by showing them or expressing to them pre-meditated actions and/or qualities. dreams though, at least my own, are things of the air, basically. i know they're there, but i can't touch, see or feel them. i just know they exist.
letting someone in on something that i have yet to reach is scary... they have every power to put me in my place with that kind of destructive knowledge. to break down anything i have to say because they know that i'm not pursuing my dreams. they know i'm goal-oriented, not dream-oriented.

scary.

...sunkissssssed

home from a week in cuba. let me just say... cuban men are the most beautiful men on this earth. probably some of the smoothest too. white sand beaches are absolutely BEAUTIFUL. walking in warm drizzle or even pouring rain will be something that i miss daily. the cutest stray puppies that i wanted to take home and clean and feed and give shots too ... and well, being drunk more than my two hands can count haha. duh.

i have one picture for now (waaayyy too lazy to attempt putting any of my own up, plus my laptop is out of commission!) from one of the nightly themed parties (i think this was safari - regardless, i had nothing safari-like packed in my luggage lol) but the main motive is to showcase my slight tan and my crazy friends :x

so stupid

the way you feel... it's so stupid. you know it is. it's not just stupid, it's flat out damn senseless. hopeless even. so you don't speak. you don't ask. you don't wonder... you just feel. and you know better than to feel this way, that way...but nah, you could care less. because even if you know better, emotions are emotions. not choices. not opinions. you don't opt out of a feeling.

you just feel.
with no words. no sound. no hope.
just left with a sting that seems to suspend itself in the air in front of you... but beneath that, the promise that you will deal with it this time, for once and for good - instead of burying it as best you can. because where does burial get you? nowhere. it's still there... in some place. that's why people bury their loved ones and re-visit them forever after. they re-visit the pain. they cry. they remember. they still love. they will always love.

which is exactly why i can't afford to bury you, not this time. this time i will get over it, under it, around it and past it the right away. blood shed, and tears.