i love this movie. 

keeep comin back for more

i've been feeling the same thing for a while now... ummm like saveroom-johnlegend happy. i don't have much to say except consistency is nice. familiarity, it's nice. it doesn't do much for my writing (i think i've gushed enough....), considering i write best when my emotions are wylin' out at 10000miles/minute, but at least the consistency provides genesis for balance in my life. can't complain. haven't been complaining.
got some friends who are down for me.
got a family that keeps me grounded.
got a dude that is all kinds of wonderful.

school begins in a month and a week. finally finished my schedule. microeconomics, business law, english, sociology = papers papers and more papers. my strength. THANKFULLY i only have classes tuesday and thursday, so i can still get my money up.

oh you know, no big deal, i'm legal this upcoming friday. i am looking forward to this epic birthday extravaganza. can't wait to just get all SILLY.

i have three jobs.
sorta.

i kill the life tip boi.

oh it feels so crazy, oooh this love is blazin

you made me realize that we were born to fly
you showed me every day the possibilities
and you proved my fantasies,
what love could really be

i don't know nobody half as fresh as you...

MIND blown

oh my GAH
1:38... kill me now

the lesson

o.m.g.

6:06 and for like the next 20 seconds... oh my freaking goodnesss

things that need to come into my line of purchase immediately

smashbox fusion soft lights

garnier anti-dark circle eye roller 

(eeeek it feels SO cool)

clarins waterproof eyeliner pencil

(seriously... no. smudges. whatsoever)

kat von d tattoo concealer 

(... main influence: JLovesmac1@youtube nuffff said)

clinique lash building primer 

benefit Dr. Feelgood

(because i don't wear foundation but wouldn't mind a LITTLE somethin)

the OG brown sugar bear

(... for my brown suga)

with my birthday coming up so soon, i think a massive make-up haul is only appropriate. 

sephora, you, me, it's on bebe.

i can't find a title to this post because i can't hold a title to what i'm feeling (har har).

lately i have been pulling away from just about everyone who i don't consider one of my best friends... that even includes my family. i have never felt like i wanted to move out SO badly.
but in all seriousness, i don't know why or what it is that makes me feel like... i need to isolate myself from people. i've always had this bad habit of getting close to people and then ghosting on them.

that's not to say that, if they were to ask of my help, i wouldn't give it. it's just the notion that i'd ever offer it is questionable.
i guess... in the scheme of things, i'm approachable, but fail at approaching others.
maybe it's just that after-high school shit people always talk about. the people who i swore i'd remain friends with, i barely see. matter of fact, i barely even speak to them. friendship is a two way street right? much like most things... i guess i've just adjusted to walking down a lot of streets my "friends" haven't, leading me to walk it on my own.

i mean... it's not a totally bad thing. but it's not totally a good thing, either. i don't know what it is. am i tired of those people? do i just use "independence" as a safety net so that i don't have to watch someone walk away first?

trust issues?
apathy towards them?
pftt
no idea.

happy birthday arianaaa

how sweet it is to be loved by youuu

all we ever do is say goodbye

why you wanna break my heart again

MILLENNIUM MANTRA

Instructions for Life

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three R's.
Respect for self.
Respect for others.
Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18,. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

WARNING: this blog is filled with the mushy sappy lovey dovey gay-gay (milder version of cray-cray), in other words, it is a blog proclaiming my "gay" for somebody.

i suggest that unless you are that person, you divert your attention elsewhere. 

i am straight, though.

very straight. 

i won't name names, but if you can't single yourself out to know that this is about you, you should stop frontin. =)

i have so many things to thank you for, and a million ways to thank you, but circumstances make it hard to do so. i feel like i don't give you the credit you deserve for putting up with my shit... so hopefully a blog will suffice (i have big things in store! wait til i see your ass). i've spent a lot of time thinking about what to say in this blog, wondering if it's just a validation for my own personal reflection or to prove to others that you are good to me. it's neither though, it is straight up just a grateful post to tell you: i am so happy to have you, i am also lucky to have you, and these days, i owe a lot of my sanity to you. 

i don't even know where to start. maybe i'll start by saying that you're not someone who says they'll do things to dress themselves up... because you actually do it. you already have so many reassuring things to say to make me feel the "gay," (aka that way) but when you come through and your actions back up what you have to say, it's an amazing thing. you are even more than the words that you have to say. i already feel important to you, but the times where you take the extra step to make me feel even more important... it's a trip. i stopped trying to wrap my head around it a long time ago and settled with knowing that it's the feeling of being happy. 

it's when you force yourself to stay up just to make sure i'm okay, even though you talked about how tired you were all day. it's when you don't agree with what i have to say but support me 100% regardless. it's when i know i can approach you with my conflicts because you'll listen, and try to make it better in any way you can. it's when i feel like i'm caught up in a shitty moment and you see past it and say something like "i'm thankful for who you are."

that shit gets to me. in all the best ways. i've tried so hard my entire life to rely on only myself, and these days i'm slowly giving that up to feel closer to you. whether it's bitching about something, being sad, or even letting you do the sweet shit to see me happy... it's all so... different. i don't think i've perfected it completely, and i don't know if i ever will, but i am happy to say that i'm confident you'll be there to see me through it all, even if i fail all epic. it's scary for me to even consider depending on/relying on anyone but myself... but so far, it feels kinda nice. 

i've found a whole new level of comfort with you and aside from just being "that dude" in my life, i also consider you a good friend. a great friend. you listen. you respond. you support. you are an overall positive contribution to my life. you say things that confirm the way i already felt and it is still a surprise everytime... for instance, "i would never do that to you, just so you know." of course i knew. you never cloud me with negative bullshit, and you always have what it takes to make me feel better. my birthday isn't too far, but i can already say my best gift is being happy with/for you. thank you for everything :)

ok. i'm done being gay now.

happy early birthday TO MEEEE!

no idea what's in it, cause the bag is so pretty that i ain't even tryna open it right now

but you can never go wrong with a massive Dior bag

18 daaays :)

*shrug*
i always thought people deserved complete honesty... no matter who it was, they deserved the truth. even if it was painful. like deeply painful.

apparently not.

so i asked chris to draw me a dinosaur....

thas mah boo <3

had hoes in passionate night gowns
but you the only one i imagine in white gowns
so where ya left hand, you should lemme add a ring to it
because mr. and mrs. Anderson just has a ring to it
she like why you act like that to me
walk right back and mike jack to me
every time we fall out, i throw ya ass out
but you just end up boomeranging back to me
what the fuuck

sometimes when i am wayyyy too happy
i have nothing to blog about
...
so....

l8r

holla

nothing like a pair of J's :)

excuse me i just... need to wipe my drool off..