i suggest that unless you are that person, you divert your attention elsewhere.
i am straight, though.
very straight.
i won't name names, but if you can't single yourself out to know that this is about you, you should stop frontin. =)
i have so many things to thank you for, and a million ways to thank you, but circumstances make it hard to do so. i feel like i don't give you the credit you deserve for putting up with my shit... so hopefully a blog will suffice (i have big things in store! wait til i see your ass). i've spent a lot of time thinking about what to say in this blog, wondering if it's just a validation for my own personal reflection or to prove to others that you are good to me. it's neither though, it is straight up just a grateful post to tell you: i am so happy to have you, i am also lucky to have you, and these days, i owe a lot of my sanity to you.
i don't even know where to start. maybe i'll start by saying that you're not someone who says they'll do things to dress themselves up... because you actually do it. you already have so many reassuring things to say to make me feel the "gay," (aka that way) but when you come through and your actions back up what you have to say, it's an amazing thing. you are even more than the words that you have to say. i already feel important to you, but the times where you take the extra step to make me feel even more important... it's a trip. i stopped trying to wrap my head around it a long time ago and settled with knowing that it's the feeling of being happy.
it's when you force yourself to stay up just to make sure i'm okay, even though you talked about how tired you were all day. it's when you don't agree with what i have to say but support me 100% regardless. it's when i know i can approach you with my conflicts because you'll listen, and try to make it better in any way you can. it's when i feel like i'm caught up in a shitty moment and you see past it and say something like "i'm thankful for who you are."
that shit gets to me. in all the best ways. i've tried so hard my entire life to rely on only myself, and these days i'm slowly giving that up to feel closer to you. whether it's bitching about something, being sad, or even letting you do the sweet shit to see me happy... it's all so... different. i don't think i've perfected it completely, and i don't know if i ever will, but i am happy to say that i'm confident you'll be there to see me through it all, even if i fail all epic. it's scary for me to even consider depending on/relying on anyone but myself... but so far, it feels kinda nice.
i've found a whole new level of comfort with you and aside from just being "that dude" in my life, i also consider you a good friend. a great friend. you listen. you respond. you support. you are an overall positive contribution to my life. you say things that confirm the way i already felt and it is still a surprise everytime... for instance, "i would never do that to you, just so you know." of course i knew. you never cloud me with negative bullshit, and you always have what it takes to make me feel better. my birthday isn't too far, but i can already say my best gift is being happy with/for you. thank you for everything :)
ok. i'm done being gay now.
ok. i'm done being gay now.
