Dear You,
i'm sitting here analyzing that letter left and right... breaking down as each sentence brings itself to a period. only to venture onto another sentence - another fragment of the right words for the wrongest feelings... every new paragraph explaining another way that i managed to hurt you.
what has been.
what could have been.
what i was to you
what has to be done.
what you are going to do.
and then the i love you.
and then the letter ends.
disconnect, move on, love, i'm so sorry, goodbye.
the phrases that stick out the most. the phrases that i practically choked on.
i wish i didn't hurt you. i wish i didn't just mute myself every time you showed me how you felt. i wish it didn't hurt me so much each time you said "i love you." but most of all, i wish that it didn't come so late. i wish that you walked in when i still loved you and wanted you the most. i wish you didn't wait until i realized that i couldn't wait forever.
i wish it didn't hurt so bad to say goodbye.
why this time? why does it suck so bad? i must have said good bye to you a million times already.
i guess it's because this time... you're saying good bye to me.. for me.
and i'm saying good bye to you... for you.
for the first time we are doing something that both of us needed, simultaneously, and ironically enough, it had to be the act of walking away.
i will never forget how much you loved me, or how much you love me. i will never forget the dizziness, the unexplainable, the irrational, and the unconditional love you showed through the years. i will never forget the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly. i will never forget you. i know it for a fact. i meant it when i said you were one of the very few people i cared about so much... that when it hurt you, it hurt me even more.
i hope you find the love that i always wanted to give. i hope you let God guide you to that love. i hope you never take her for granted the way we took each other for granted, and i hope you realize how beautiful it is to have someone who loves you so, so much. i hope you find the girl that turns you into the man that you have every ounce of potential to be. i hope you never forget me, and i hope that one day we can be friends.
Sincerely,
Maria
