the other night.. my best friend got into a car accident.
actually, two of my best friends.
and i'm talking like all up in my pictures/robo.to/facebook/inbox/cellphoneinbox/LIFE-kinda-best-friends.
one is an emotional wreck. the other a physical one. the one who is physically a wreck, is like my backbone. my other third (3/alwaysbetterwhenwetogether-LL&MN&AS). every time i visit her in the hospital... i overload in tears. holding someones hand and missing them so much at the same time is THE WORST. FEELING. EVER.
ever.
the one who knows more about me than i do myself. wiped. put on hold. SURVIVING. every single thing i do puts her face in my head.
tonight she should have been beside me. she would have slept over and i would have had to re-watch all the "how i met your mother" episodes with her because she's slackin on that shit. i would have broke my no-eating-past-10pm rule. we would have sat on my roof for a brief moment. talked about him. and him. and probably Him. and then we would be going to church in about 8 hours.
but we aren't. and it hurts so bad, something so trivial. in fact, it hurts so bad that when people tell me their problems, i just get annoyed. frustrated. it's like are-you-fucking-kidding-me-kill-that-noise over and over.
and it's not fair, because pain is pain. a problem, no matter how simple or "petty," is still a problem.
BUT I HAVE A PROBLEM, TOO.
which is why right now, i care half less than normal about anyone elses. because i'm too busy coping with my own. it's making me realize i never deal with my shit and this time i can't just run away. it's got me feeling negative as fuck. and the worst part? it feels wrong being happy.
laughing without you, eating dragon eyes @ maki-maki, driving around, simple exchanges - ALL FEELS WRONG. WITHOUT YOU.
so all i can hope for is a fast recovery... thank God, it's a miracle that nothing is permanent. it'll just take time. i need this time. we all do.
love you funtime. trisha. yani. nig.
ariana sta. cruz.
-trang. dawg. maria.
